How Can You Miss What You Never Had?

**I originally posted this on October 16, 2011. Thanks to the Lord above, I now have two amazing little boys. I’m sharing this as a reminder that you should never lose hope. Please, continue to have faith.

Mother and Child

“Who is it that loves me and will love me forever, with an affection which no chance, no misery, no crime of mine can do away? It is you, my mother.”  -Thomas Carlyle

“Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother.”  -Lin Yutang

“The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother’s side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent.”  Erich Fromm

When my divorce was finalized this year I had a sense of great loss. However, I wasn’t just grieving for the marriage that didn’t work out the way I had planned. I felt like I was also grieving the loss of the children that I hadn’t given birth to yet. My ex and I had plans for our future, which included children. We had even come up with names for our future children and talked about how and where we wanted to raise them. So when our marriage was over and we went our separate ways, I felt like a part of me was gone and I still have this fear that I will never get it back. Being a mother has always been a dream of mine and it is something that I have wanted for a long time. Before the divorce, my ex and I had been trying to have a child, but by the grace of God, I never got pregnant. The logical part of myself is grateful that I didn’t get pregnant because I wouldn’t want to put my children through what I went through, living with divorced parents. However, the not so logical and greedy part of myself wished that I had gotten pregnant. Was this my chance? Did I miss my chance to be a mother? Will another one come along?

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