I’ll Tell Cupid Where He Can Put His Arrows…..
**I originally posted this on October 19, 2011. I think this is still pertinent to people today.
Written February 14, 2011
“I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.” -Anonymous
“I’ll tell Cupid where he can put his arrows…..” -ME
4:30 PM: Today is Valentine’s Day. Yay! (dripping with sarcasm) Usually a day that isn’t so bad, if you are in a relationship of some sort. I’m usually pretty excited about this day because I’m married so I don’t have to worry about being alone on this wretched day of days. However, this year Cupid has decided to be a comedian. My husband moved out today, not the day before or the day after, the day of Valentine’s Day. To top it off Valentine’s fell on a Monday this year, how screwed up is that?!?! I guess I shouldn’t be surprised we haven’t slept in the same bed, much less the same room, since before Christmas. My family didn’t know about that until today when I had to call my mom and tell her he moved out. Is it bad that I can’t even remember the last time we kissed, really kissed? I wonder if that will be the last time and if so would I have wanted to know then that it would be the last kiss? Would I have enjoyed it more or still taken it for granted? My instinct is to still take care of him. I had to fight the urge to help him pack. I even offered to wash his clothes before he packed to leave. I guess it’s hard to break. I have been taking care of him, in one way or another, for the last 7 years. How can I be so angry at someone, but yet still want to take care of them? My marriage is over. Wow. That’s the first time I have admitted it to myself, much less written it down. Now it seems real. We stopped fighting and when you do that I think it means you don’t feel like it’s worth fighting for anymore. When did we stop believing? When did we give up? When did we grow apart? What made him start looking elsewhere? When did I stop being enough?
I’m so damn pathetic! I’m writing this while I’m sitting on my bathroom floor, crying. I’ve been sitting here since he left. I’m stronger than this or at least I use to be. I never let him see me cry though. I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or not. I might never know. Would it have helped? STOP IT!! LANA, GET UP OFF THIS FLOOR!!
9:45 PM: Thank God for my family!! I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to get off that floor. It was pitying me and mocking me all at the same time. Then my saving grace called Angela, my sweet sister-in-law. I was invited to have dinner with her, my brother, and my beautiful niece and nephews. I’m not sure I will ever tell her this, but she is what pulled me up off the bathroom floor tonight. I just got back. We went to my favorite restaurant. My brother bought me a margarita, or two. 🙂 We laughed and the best part was the beautiful Valentine’s Day cards my niece and nephews gave me. I have them laying by my bed. It was exactly the pick me up that I needed after today.
On a side note, couples EVERYWHERE!! BARF!!!!!!!!!!! I swear, I wanted them all to choke on their little-candied hearts! But I’m not bitter….hahaha. 🙂 And maybe I hope that my husband is laying in bed, crying, watching cheesy Lifetime movies, and thinking of me. But, again, I’m not bitter. Cupid can shove his arrows where the sun doesn’t shine……..but I’m not bitter. (Third time is the charm, right? Believe me now?) No bitterness, none! Nope! Nada! I understand why alcohol is so popular on this holiday. 🙂 Just because I hope Hallmark goes bankrupt and can’t make more cards for next year does not mean I am bitter.