**I originally posted this on January 10, 2012. I still struggle with letting go and letting God take the reins. God has His own timing, and it is usually not the same as ours. What I find interesting is only five days after posting this I met my husband. So be patient.
“Time is the measurer of all things, but is itself immeasurable, and the grand dis-closer of all things, but is itself undisclosed.” -Charles Caleb Colton
“Men have contrived instruments to measure the motion of time, but they have no scales to weigh, no figures to compute, no words to describe its value.”-John Thornton
“Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.”-Carl Sandburg
January 2, 2012
Sometimes, life has a way of making you feel bipolar. 🙂 Letting go is a constant battle for me and the good Lord above. I do know that life has gotten better than it was just a month or so ago, but it’s still minute by minute for me. There are moments where things are going good and starting to look up and then a memory stops me cold in my tracks. I still have some mourning to do over my marriage and I don’t mean my ex. My love for him is gone. His actions did a great job of helping me let go of that love, but I do find myself still mourning the relationship itself. I also just got out of a relationship where I did fall in love again. The readers who stick with me know him as “Odessa.” It didn’t end on the best of terms and there are times that I don’t think it’s completely over, which makes moving on very difficult. What makes it even more difficult is it was life and personal demons that got in our way. It wasn’t that either of us did anything wrong. Sometimes in relationships, if there is a reason, like cheating, that the relationship didn’t work it makes things easier. However, when it’s life that gets in the way and the love is still there then it really makes moving forward extremely hard and painful.
The quote above by Carl Sandburg really sums it up for me. “Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.” That last sentence says it all. I don’t want to let other people spend what time I am given. I want that for myself and I deserve to spend it on what I find important. The fact of the matter is, I can keep wasting time worrying or I can give it away to the amazing God above and let Him handle it. This sounds a lot easier than it is. I know that. There are days that I have to hand over my problems to God at least 100 times a day because I keep taking them back from him. How is it that I think I can solve something better than the Creator of all we see, and don’t see, in this world? If I think that then I think way too highly of myself and I need a reality check.
So I live my life minute by minute, the good ones and the not so good ones. I just hang on through the bad ones because I know that any moment the pendulum can swing in my favor. 🙂