**I originally posted this on February 25, 2012. This was taken from my journal and written on May 14, 2011, about my college graduation day. I still have no regrets about that day. Here’s to new beginnings: graduation day!
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.” -Dr. Suess
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.” -Henry David Thoreau
“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.” -Winston Churchill
“All our dreams can come true….if we have the courage to pursue them.” -Walt Disney
“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” -Nelson Mandela
May 14, 2011…..New Beginnings: My Graduation Day
The day has finally come. I will walk across that stage and receive the diploma I have worked so hard to grasp. My family will be there, my friends, and my husband of almost 5 wonderful years. Right? That was the dream. The ideal scenario only a short year or two ago. However, reality has a way of changing on you when you least expect it or in my case when I just decided to turn a blind eye and pretend like everything was fine. What is my graduation day really going to consist of?
Just me……sitting on top of my roof and listening to the graduation ceremony that is literally taking place across the street. Don’t pity me. In a way, this is how I want it to be. I made this decision. I chose not to buy the cap and gown. I chose to not to walk today. The last 7 months of my life have been the toughest and to be really honest……I just want to move on. The ceremony is just that, a ceremony.
I remember the hard work and the family and friends that helped me through this. I don’t need a 4-hour ceremony to remember all that. I have a degree. I worked my ass off for this. I already celebrated with my family a couple of weeks ago so this moment, by myself, is kind of poetic. It gives me a moment to reflect…..to feel……to laugh……maybe hurt a little……then let go. Will I regret not walking? I don’t know. Who knows? I can only live one day at a time. But right now, at this moment, I have no regrets.
This is my journey…
I started this journey on my own. Yes, I had support, but they didn’t do my work for me. They didn’t make sure I went to class and they damn sure didn’t get my A’s that I worked so hard on. So this is my moment. My time. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. The truth is you can’t live your life in the past and that’s what today symbolizes to me.
I’m taking a moment to take in my past, to feel every heartache, every stressful moment, every triumphant moment….and just let it go. Keep it in the past. Besides, I’m much more comfortable sitting on my roof, in denim shorts, a purple tank top, barefoot, with a drink in hand. Who needs a dress and heels? So I wait and finally, I hear my name being called from the podium at the Tarleton football stadium. I take a deep breath, smile, and look out onto my future. Yeah, this is perfect. This is exactly where I wanted to be today.
February 25, 2012…..Reflection
In about 2 1/2 months, it will be a year since I graduated from college. It seems crazy! I have read over and over what I wrote above and I got to say that I still agree with my decision so for all of those people who said I would regret not participating in my graduation day……..WELL, I DON’T!! I honestly look back on that day with fond memories. I enjoyed sitting up on my roof, contemplating my past and future.
To me, life isn’t just about participating. It’s about living! If I would have walked that day, I wouldn’t have been doing it for myself and I honestly don’t think I would have enjoyed it. What I did might seem selfish to some, but I chose to do what I wanted to do. Call me crazy but it was my graduation, so why shouldn’t I have done what I wanted to do to celebrate? I still have my diploma and all the knowledge I acquired from college and I was able to go out the way I wanted to.
My Life Now
My life has changed so much over the past year. It hasn’t always been easy, however, I can finally say that I see the silver lining. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have family that loves me and have supported me through all my decisions and those family members outweigh the ones that I have disappointed. I have friends that love me and never judge me. I have a job that I am happy with. I’m able to pay my own bills. I’m confident and independent again. I have dreams and goals.
My life can be whatever I want it to be. I finally have a good man in my life that loves me for who I am. He likes that I’m smart. He likes that I have my own thoughts and opinions. He likes that I am able to take care of myself. That’s a good feeling. I can’t wait to see where my life goes from here.