**I originally posted this on December 14, 2011. I find this very interesting because it is something that I am currently struggling with. Do I censor what is really going on in my life? How much do I share? How much is too much? What do I keep to myself? If any of my fellow bloggers want to share with me how they decide what to post and what not to post, I would love the advice. 🙂
“When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret.” -Shannon L. Alder
“God will not look you over for medals, degrees, or diplomas; but for scars.” –Elbert Hubbard
Fear is a crazy thing. Self-evaluation is even crazier. I haven’t written in quite awhile. I found myself wondering why. Where have I gone? Where has my love and need for a voice, for an outlet, gone? I believe I found my answer. I’m doing what writers do. I’m editing. I’m editing myself. But what good is that? God’s no fool. He knows my heart. I’m finished editing! The truth is I’m angry. I’m bitter. I’m not perfect. I can be mean. I can be hurtful. I can be thoughtless. I can be selfish. And sometimes I can be downright pissed off. God knows that so why try to be something I’m not. Because the upside to all that is:
- I can be loving.
- I can love to a fault.
- I’ll fight for the ones I love.
- I’ll give the shirt off my back to help someone.
- I hurt for the people I love and the people of this world.
- I can be funny.
- I smile.
- I laugh.
- I love.
Sometimes, I’m angry at God. However, I know that He loves me. I know that He understands me and forgives me. Let’s really be honest. I am in a dark place right now and I was afraid to write down what I was really thinking. I was afraid to see how my darkness would transfer to the page. I think I was afraid to see what I would learn about myself. I realized God knows my heart. I’m not evil. I’m human. I have faults, fears, and shortcomings. I can’t keep editing what I really feel or what I really want to say because of fear of what I’ll learn about myself or fear of what others will think. I stopped last night, for just a moment, and asked myself…
“Why did I start this blog?”
I started this blog to help myself heal and to remind others that they aren’t alone. Someone out there might be feeling the way I feel and I can remind them that it’s ok and they aren’t alone. By editing myself, I’m not healing and I’m not doing good for others. Our beauty is in our imperfections. So here it goes………
I’M IN A PIT AND I AM TRYING TO DIG MYSELF OUT!!!!
But God loves me. So here is my apology to you. I’m sorry for not being honest. This is me! Just for a moment, I forgot the whole point of my blog. To Laugh. To Learn. To Heal. To Help. I’m ripping off the tape. 🙂
I leave you with this quote. “Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.” -Maggie Kuhn