**I originally posted this on February 14, 2012. This post was a journal entry that I wrote on April 27, 2011. I was SO proud of myself this day. 🙂
“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” -Gandhi
“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” -Khalil Gibran
“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” -M. Scott Peck
“When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” -Audre Lorde
“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” -Christopher Reeve
Written: April 27, 2011
My strength has really been tested over the past few months. My soon to be ex-husband and I moved into separate bedrooms before Christmas, he moved out on Valentines’ Day, I learned about his unfaithfulness, I’m finishing up student teaching, which is a 40+ hour a week job with no pay, and I am taking care of 2 dogs and a 3 bedroom home on my own. I know what you are thinking…..get out of that pity-pit, but it’s quite the opposite actually. I’m proud of myself. Yep, you heard me. I said I am proud of myself. I have always seen myself as a strong and independent woman, but I guess I haven’t really been tested until these past few months. How you deal with times of darkness and uncertainty is when your true character will shine through. I must say that I surprised myself. I could have tucked tail and ran. I could have admitted defeat. However, I decided to pick myself up off the bathroom floor and shine in spite of all adversity. It could always be worse. I’ve made it through every obstacle, so far, and I am stronger for it. I know that I have many more to come, but I take it one day at a time. The strong, independent, confident woman who has been missing the last few years has finally decided to push through and take center stage. It’s about damn time.
I’ve made sure all bills are paid, kept the house clean and put together, mowed the front and backyard numerous times, took care of the animals, kept up with student teaching which is a good 40+ hours a week, completed daily/weekly lesson plans, graded papers, finished my case study for student teaching, coached a 3rd grade girls basketball team, taken care of my car problems, fixed the front door locks, fixed the garage door, fixed the dryer, and fixed my own plumbing 3 TIMES!! Who needs a man?! Not this woman! The story of the plumbing incident is a story within itself that I must share…
Our, nope scratch that, MY plumbing…….hehehe……has been acting up the last few months. The shower and toilet clog up and overflow. When this happens it leaves around a 1/2 inch of water on the bathroom floor and travels into the hallway, where I have carpet. Ugh! I don’t have the money to call a plumber and I wasn’t about to call him and tell him that I needed help. HA! So the only choice I had was to fix it myself. Bring it! I know that a “snake” would be used by a professional, so I decided to improvise. I head out to my garage where I keep the tools (keep in my I’m in my pajamas because I had just gotten out of the shower when said commotion took place). I design my own “snake thingy” with wire hangers ( I am not a plumber so technical terms will not be used here) I then take off to the backyard to defeat the plumbing (still in pajamas and an 80-pound dog wanting to help me). I stick the “snake thingy” down the plumbing then pull out my trusty plunger and the rest is history. I kicked the clogged pipe’s ass!! I then returned to the bathroom where I cleaned up the water in the bathroom floor, pulled back the carpet in my hallway, soaked up what I could from the padding, bought 4 large fans to help with the rest of the drying, then when carpet and padding was dry I re-attached carpet to my hallway floor. All in a days work!!
Again, I ask, who needs a man?! Not me. However, I do want a man and since I am not one of those women that need a man in their lives when I finally find a GOOD man it will be like the cherry on top of my life. One day I will find a man who loves me for me, loves that I’m independent, and loves and respects the fact that I am not with him because I need him, but I am with him because I CHOOSE to be. I know he will be worth the wait.