My Dearest Nikola


Nikola Alexander, Aug. 2013

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” – Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

“The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children.” – Jessica Lange

Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life. -Sophocles

“A baby fills a place in your heart that you never knew was empty.” -Anonymous

**I originally wrote this letter in August of 2013. I was a little over seven months pregnant.

My Dearest Nikola,

You weren’t planned, but I think that makes you even more special. That makes you a gift, my little miracle. My biggest surprise. My happiest moment. I was so happy when I found out I was going to be a mommy. You see not too long ago, I was sad and dealing with the fear that I might not ever have children. I was afraid I had missed out on my opportunity, but here you are moving around in my tummy. I feel your little hands and feet. I can tell when you are sleeping. I can tell when you want to play. I can’t wait to meet you and hold you in my arms for the first time. I have so many things that I want you to know and I have so many promises that I want to make to you.

This life isn’t always kind, but it is always beautiful if you know where to look. So many people love you already. Oh, Nikola, you are going to be loved by so many. Everyone is beyond ready to meet you. I know that you are going to do great things in your lifetime. I am blessed beyond words to be able to watch you grow into what God has planned for you.

I promise to begin and end all your days with a reminder that I love you. I promise to start each day with a hug, a smile, and a kiss. I promise to end each day with a hug, a smile, a kiss, and a prayer to keep the bad dreams away.

I will be there for you when you begin a new phase in your life. I might be scared for you, but I will be your strength and I will do my best to guide you. I will be there to offer a kind or uplifting word and I will be your shoulder to find comfort. I promise I will do my best to prepare you for all these new phases in your life.

I will buy you lots and lots of books! Your daddy and I LOVE books!! You will never be without a book.

I promise to make your birthdays as special as I possibly can! I know you might not remember them all, but I promise to celebrate YOU! I want you to always feel special.

I will be here for you whenever you need me. I promise to discipline you when you need it. I promise to show you love, grace, kindness, and to teach you that God loves you. Proverbs 22:6, Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” 

Above all, I promise to love you with an unconditional love that will never falter.

Thank you, Nikola, for giving me the gift of being a mommy. I wasn’t a mommy until you. That was your gift to me, and I will always be grateful.

I can’t wait until I get to rock you and finally look into your eyes, my sweet boy.

Love Always,

Your Mama



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