I’m Not Handling this Well….

School2

Today is Saturday, August 18, 2018. In two days, my baby boy will start pre-k. He is my first so this is my first child to send off to school. I have never had to take him to daycare because I have been blessed enough to stay home with him. I’m not handling this very well at all. I knew it would be hard, I was already bracing myself for it, but this is terrible. I know it is a right of passage. I know it is a must. I know how important education is. My degree is in Elementary (EC-6) Education. My rational brain totally gets it!! Folks, my emotional mommy-brain is overriding my rational brain. I’m already trying to figure out ways to get him out of this! 🙂 🙂

THEN, I look at him, and he is so excited!! He talks about Peanut Butter, the classroom pet rabbit, every day since we went to Meet the Teacher. He needs this. I can’t wait for him to start making good friends and learning so many new things. He is so smart and I can’t wait to watch his knowledge grow. I just didn’t expect it to hurt this much. My heart breaks watching him grow further and further away from me. How did this happen so quickly? People tell me all the time, “enjoy it. It goes by fast,” and I listen, but it does. It really goes like a blink of an eye. He was my little peanut in my belly and now he is going off to school.

He still needs me, though. He still looks for his mama when he is sad, scared, or hurt. He still reaches out for my hand, even when he is asleep, on the couch next to me, his hand always finds mine. And for this very reason, I will keep my sadness, my fears, and my heartbreak to myself because he looks to me for reassurance. I will not pass my emotions on to him because I want him to be excited. I want him to look forward to new adventures and not be afraid of change. I will smile for him. I will burden myself with his fears so that he doesn’t have to. I will allow him to keep his innocence as long as he possibly can. I will do this because I am his mommy and he deserves to start this new adventure, even if my heart breaks so that his heart doesn’t have to.

LOVE3

“The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother’s side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent.”  Erich Fromm

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