Thy Will Be Done.

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“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” Matthew 7:24-27

“For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 3:11

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I fully intend on going back to my topic of prayer, but something has been placed on my heart over the last few days. I was driving, on my way to take my son to pre-k, and song after song kept coming on the radio that centered around the concept that you need to draw your strength from Christ, have faith that He knows what he is doing, and God already has everything written. Have you ever had one of those moments where every single song seemed to be talking to you, directly meant for you and you alone to hear? I was just shaking my head up and down…yes! Yep! Yes! And then something clicked for me. I had a moment where I went, “ah. I get it. I get it, Lord.”

This past year has been a difficult one. I have briefly touched on it here and there, moments where I would offhandedly mention how badly I have been challenged in my personal life and how my anxiety was so bad a few months ago I had to be put on an anti-anxiety medication. However, even though it does have to do with my family, it is not my story to tell, in detail. I can, however, write about how I am feeling and how I am trying to deal with it. Over the past 6-8 months, I have been working on forgiveness of others, forgiveness of myself, letting go of control and letting go of this idea of how life should be. I have also been praying very hard that others (especially my sons) can see Christ love through me, but I have been struggling because I couldn’t let go of this one thought that would constantly creep back into my brain, my heart, my thoughts…even after every single prayer it would come back and my heart would ache all over again.

Shattered

My family was breaking. My Mom and Dad had decided to get a divorce after 29 years of marriage. The thought that kept running through my head was my foundation is gone, it has shattered beneath me. I felt like my identity was gone. Who was I now? My rock, my strength was gone. I felt like I was completely alone. Everything was different. Everything that I knew for 29-30 years was gone. My first emotion was anger. Why? This is stupid! Why?!? 29 years! Then I was just overcome by sadness and a feeling of loss. I felt alone and defeated.

The truth is that I had a good reason to feel the way I was feeling, but I was also completely wrong, in a certain sense. I was perfectly right to grieve. Grieve the loss of my parent’s marriage, the image of my family that I had held in my brain my entire life, and to mourn the “old” family. But the “aha” moment that came to me this week made me realize that while I should feel sad, I shouldn’t feel alone and I shouldn’t feel like my foundation was shattered and I shouldn’t be facing an identity crisis. You see my mistake was giving my parents, my family, too much power. I love my parents, but I had them placed up on a pedestal. High, high up on a pedestal. So high in fact that I had forgotten that they are only human. And what do ALL human do? They sin and they will undeniably let you down. Now they might not let you down out of malice or because they are a bad person, but people will let you down because they are only human. Humans make mistakes. Yes, even our parents. That was on me. I had placed my footing on an already fractured rock that couldn’t hold the weight (expectations) that I was placing on it.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 

My foundation, my identity should always rest in Christ alone and no one else. Yes. We should love our families. Yes. We should turn to them to direct us and to help us make the right choices. But we must remember they are only human and they can be lost too. I lost sight of my end goal. God says to cast all your anxiety and fear onto Him because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). No matter who might let me down. No matter what troubles may come. My foundation will NEVER shatter IF I have chosen to place my life on the foundation of Jesus Christ. “On Christ the solid rock I stand; All other ground is sinking sand.”

Rock I StandSo, did my parents let me down? Did my parents disappoint me? Did my parents choice turn my world upside down and break my heart? Yes. But I will be ok because their love for me never changed and I have faith in a higher power. My God says it is written and that I will be ok.

So what am I doing now? After this moment of clarity? Well, first of all, I am sharing it with you guys and praying that it touches someone that needs a moment like the moment I had. 🙂 I am praying for my parents. I am praying for healing. I am praying for strength. I am praying that one day, very soon, God gives me the courage to sing at the top of my lungs “it is well, it is well with my soul,” and actually mean it. 🙂 I realize that my family isn’t gone, it is just changing, evolving into something different, something new.

Thy Will

I know You’re good;
But this don’t feel good right now.
And I know You think
Of things I could never think about
It’s hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all Your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that You’re God
And I am not
So…

Thy will be done

Thy Will, Hillary Scott & The Scott Family

I ask you, where have you placed your foundation? Is it unbreakable?

15 thoughts on “Thy Will Be Done.

  1. Thank you for sharing such a personal story. I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to write but I am sure it was therapeutic at the same time. Your post really resonated with me. A few years ago, I broke all communication with my parents. It was one of the hardest decisions I had to make, but it was one I HAD to make for my children. I didn’t think of this at the time, but you wrote, “They sin and they will undeniably let you down.” That is true! All throughout my life, I was told to revere my parents. Honor and love them. Show no disrespect. But when you have a family of your own, your thoughts then become your own. You have others to think about and not of disappointing or upsetting your parents. You touched my heart today. Thank you for sharing this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, wow! Thank you! I am so glad you were about to take something away from this post. I always try to post on topics that I need to be refreshed in or reminded of because I don’t want to come across as being too “preachy” or “bossy” if that makes sense. I just want to share with people what I have learned or studied.

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  2. I feel so happy when I see people walking by Faith. My name is Faith by the way haha! I totally relate to your family issues and struggling with forgiveness. It is by grace that I understood the importance of forgiveness. Forgiving even those that don’t think they need to apologize. To be of Christ is to be compassionate and share in His sufferings. I am so happy for you on how you choose to look at things from a spiritual perspective. Many things happen that will never make sense in the moment and can hurt a lot but Jesus said “you don’t understand what I am doing now but later on you will understand”. Journey on and walk by faith not by sight!! You know what I discovered by the way, whenever I take my eyes off of God even for a second, I struggle with anxiety A LOT but when I spend time in His presence either reflecting on His kindness, studying the word, prayer or praise and worship, I feel so much at peace and I have never been able to define how that peace feels like. Keep up in Faith. I also don’t know if you’ll think this to be inappropriate but you should read an article I wrote on my site about the full armor of God and fighting battles in prayer. I think you will love it. Also in the future we should plan a guest post. I am just so excited about your blog like a kid in a candy store Lol!

    Cheers. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What a beautiful way to look at such a heartbreaking experience. I would like to think that I was meant to see this, especially since my parents have decided to separate just a few months ago after being together for 35 years. Thank you for the inspiration and for sharing your story.

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    • Wow. I agree! I like to think that you were meant to see this too. Mine just seperated in July after 29 years together. I wish you the best. God Bless. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, your parents too.

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  4. It’s only normal for us as children to put our parents on a pedestal and have high expectations of them, because that’s how they raised us and I can only imagine the pain of seeing your family fall apart and there is absolutely nothing you can do. I just hope that your healing comes sooner than later and that your parents find happiness again.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow, that is a lot for one person to deal. But I guess that is exactly what this is about as well – that it is too much to handle alone. He is with you. Carrying you, holding you, supporting you. Continue leaning on Him. He’s got you.

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  6. Sonja- Too Much Character

    What a shock for you to process with your parents divorce. I had a friend whose parents divorced when she was in her midtwenties, and it was a major adjustment for her. Sending prayers for continued support for you and your family as you work on creating your new normal.

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  7. I really could not imagine how you must have felt. I see that you are working to find peace with everything and I am inspired but the love you continue to show throughout it all. My parents got a divorce when I was little. I did not know how to direct my feelings and to be honest, I don’t really know how I feel about it now. Praying for you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

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